Yesterday, me and J decided to limit all contact between us to just the kids. No more socializing or hanging out. Our friendship is over. I just said goodbye to the only friend I have in this town. I'm really not sure how I'm going to cope/deal going forward but I can tell you that I'm absolutely terrified.
I can't even wrap my head around the scope and depth of the hole she's leaving behind in my life. She's the first person I ever think of to tell anything to, she's been there every single day for over 11 years and I don't know how to do this without her.
I'm trying to keep my head on the kids, cos they are coming over today until sunday. I have meals to make, baths to give, games to play, butts to wipe, owwies to kiss, treats to give, no end of questions to answer. I can't be drowning in grief while doing all that.
I started putting things up on the walls of my room, a photo of Ryver when she was 2 or so, some pictures she drew, fathers day stuff she's made me. I think I'm going to end up covering the walls. I also put up the list of boundaries me and J wrote up yesterday together. Just so I don't forget, I don't ever want a repeat of the 17 texts I sent her over that damned movie. Never again.